.YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/THE MOST OFTEN ASKED QUESTION: WHY DOES THAT STUFF GET HER?
”I think porno is the most humiliating, sick, pathetic junk in
the world. She would watch it all night. She gets turned on to it
and even wants to try some of the stuff. She reads those sex
magazines and gets all turned on. Why does that stuff get her?”
ANSWER: That stuff doesn’t “get” her. She is not responding just to the erotic material. Her arousal, as yours, comes from within, and something about some of this material touches a part of the love maps we discussed. Sometimes just the fact that this material is forbidden is part of the arousal factor. If she feels isolated from you because of it, this isolation will not diminish her interest in it. There are two options here. One is to explore the possibility of setting up your own mutually accepted “erotography” collection, one that you can both accept without labeling each other or criticizing each other’s preferences. Second, a super marital sex rule is that not all sex has to be shared sex. If you cannot, and you certainly do not have to, develop a tolerance or even enjoyment for some of the material she finds arousing, then you should encourage her to enjoy the material in privacy, without overt or covert censure. Her arousal is a part of her and your marriage. It is not determined by or corrupted by this material. The sex you have together is just yours, no matter what factors might have resulted in arousal.
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