POTENCY PROBLEMS: CYNTHIA’S EXPERIENCE
Cynthia’s experience illustrates some important points. A woman can see her partner’s erection as proof of her own desirability. If she’s insecure about her sexuality, an erection problem, even in a good marriage, can trigger a lot of painful emotions. And she may react as Cynthia did, by feeling rejected and not wanting to deal with the issue directly. communication problem might have been. Cynthia could have learned about the many causes of erection problems and understood the reasons for the tests; and perhaps a private discussion with the physician would have laid to rest many of her fears.
If you and your partner don’t discuss what is going on, there will be an information gap. And each of you will fill in this void by imagining what is happening to the other, and why. This will only lead to further problems.
For example, a man may wonder why his wife isn’t making their lack of intercourse an issue—doesn’t she enjoy sex with him? He may guess that she thinks him “less of a man.” He may become jealous, even if he’s never been jealous before. “In the back of his mind he questioned if I would be faithful,” remembers Terri, whose marriage of more than 20 years never had been troubled before by such doubts. “I felt this insecurity, and he mentioned it. This bothered me.” Fortunately, talking about the problem removed her husband’s fears that she would leave him.
And if s common, in the absence of other information, for a woman to assume that an erection problem is somehow her fault. While a woman who is very secure in her own self-image and in her relationship may not feel this way, many women take erection problems as a sign that something is wrong with them. Like Cynthia, they may feel they have done something wrong. Or they may see an erection as a sign that they are sexually attractive and capable, and see the lack as an indication of their own failure. The cure for such lack of communication: involvement, information and reassurance.
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