Herbal Health

Sex therapists say that in order to extend sexual response, both partners should learn more about their physical and mental control systems. Mental control involves learning to concentrate by narrowing the individual focus of attention. The goal of mental control as a means of extending sexual response, such as erection, is to filter out and eliminate distractions.

Without our realizing it, our thoughts can be like background noise, causing us to be distracted at the most inopportune moments. One technique for focusing your concentration and taking control of your thoughts is a countdown exercise. Sex therapists recommend this technique because, with practice, it will enable you to eliminate distractions and focus on sexual enjoyment and response.

In the countdown technique, you simple close your eyes and count backwards, slowly, from 20, all the way to zero. If you are distracted by an unwanted thought, proceed with your countdown, taking up with the last number you remember. This technique of counting backwards from 20 as a means of helping you focus your attention, will probably require a good bit of practice before you are able to eliminate all distracting thoughts. The key to maintaining an erection for up to one hour, lies in your ability to concentrate.

Another technique often recommended by many sex therapists is the “Sensate focus technique”. The aim of this technique is to make each partner more aware of his or her bodily sensations during intercourse. Men who have practiced this focus technique with their partners have reported great success in extending their sexual response.

The Sensate focus technique involves three basic steps:

1) Each partner gives the other as much pleasure as possible by caressing and fondling any part of the body except the breasts or genitals.

2) This stage of the technique progresses to stimulation of the genitals and breasts, but should stop short of orgasm.

3) The final stage of the Sensate focus technique is sexual intercourse. Both partners should concentrate on pleasure and enjoyment rather than on orgasm. The main goal of this technique is not orgasm, but rather extending the sexual response.

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When choosing a dishwashing detergent, take care to read the label of contents before taking it home. Try to buy a brand that has the least amount of potentially harmful chemicals. Look for liquid products that contain little or no dye which is sometimes added to make the liquid yellow, pink, blue, or green. Also try to avoid those products that contain “perfume” to give the liquid the scent of strawberry, lemon or lime. The appealing color of the dye and the “flowery” or fresh fragrance can make these products especially appealing to an inquisitive child.

Swallowing these detergents usually results in immediate vomiting which reduces the chances of any serious,or lasting harm. The most common problems with products that contain dye and perfume may be allergies and irritations. The colors of the dyes are primary allergens and can, to a large extent, be avoided by choosing a product without added coloring. It’s much harder to find a dishwashing detergent without some sort of perfume. The perfumes are also primary allergens, and most dishwashing detergents contain a certain amount of perfume.

While there may be no completely safe dishwashing detergent, those with little or no dye and the lowest amounts of perfume are probably the safest. It’s also advisable to wear gloves to avoid irritating your skin, especially if your skin is very sensitive. You should also rinse all your dishes in warm water to make sure no dishwashing detergent remains.

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A recent study suggests that cardiac overreaction to stress may increase the risk of heart disease in some people. The study revealed that people who were hiding psychological troubles—even from themselves—showed an abnormal jump in heartbeat and blood pressure when performing stressful tasks.

Earlier studies have linked such cardiac overreaction to heart disease, which often leads to heart attacks. Researchers say that while it is already known that being constantly anxious or constantly depressed is unhealthy, the new study suggests that suppressing such distress may be even more harmful.

In a related study, conducted at the University of Michigan, 58 people with an average age of just under 22 years and no known history of heart disease, were analyzed and tested in relation to their responses to stress. The participants filled out assessments of their psychological health as well as a test which dealt with their earliest memories. The tests of the subjects’ early memories were used by a psychologist to uncover signs of emotional distress.

The subjects’ responses to stress were analyzed while they performed assigned stressful tasks, such as timed mental arithmetic, making up stories about ambiguous drawings and saying the first thing that came to mind upon hearing certain phrases, according to researchers, the drawings and phrases used were designed to raise ‘hemes that many people find “psychologically threatening”. A measure that combined elevations in blood pressure and pulse rate was used to analyze the subjects’ responses to stress.

The results of the test showed that, of the people participating, those with hidden Stress were twice as reactive to stress as genuinely healthy people. The participants with hidden stress were also more reactive than people who admitted that they were stressed.

While neither study provides conclusive proof linking heart disease and cardiac overreaction to stress, many scientists consider the evidence convincing. And, according to the researchers, the studies serve to emphasize the need to deal with anxiety and tension in an open and healthy manner.

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Most nutritionists recommend a reduction in daily fat intake as a means of maintaining a more healthful diet. Weight-watchers are advised to cut down on the amount of fat they consume each day as a way to reach and maintain their ideal weights. Does fat really make that much difference?

Perhaps the answer to that question can be found in the difference between the typical American and typical Oriental diet and the much higher prevalence of obesity in the U.S. than among Oriental people, such as the Japanese. A typical Japanese diet contains approximately 2,300 kilocalories per day. Fifteen to twenty percent of those calories come from fat, Another thirteen to fifteen percent come from protein, and from sixty-five to seventy percent from carbohydrates (less than 10% from refined sugar).

In America, the typical diet also provides about 2,300 kilocalories per day, but from thirty-eight to forty percent of those calories come from fat. Protein is responsible for twelve to fifteen percent, and the remainder—less than fifty percent—comes from carbohydrates (about 15% from refined sugar).

Besides a diet much lower in fat and sugar, some nutritionists believe that Oriental people get more exercise than most Americans, which could also contribute to their lower incidence of obesity.

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Even though you may learn how to decipher the information contained on product labels, you may still be misled by labels that do not “tell the whole story”. For example, fruit juices come in a wide variety of choices, from drinks that are rich in vitamins and minerals to fruit-flavored sugar water, and it can be hard to tell the difference. Health-minded shoppers can make the right selections by following these suggestions:

1) Try to find fruit drinks that are labeled “100 Percent Fruit Juice”, “100 Percent Fruit Juice Blends”, “100 percent Juice From Concentrate”, or “100 Percent Pure Juice”.

2) Avoid juice drinks with labels such as “100 Percent Natural” or “100 Percent Real Juice”. Such concotions are not guaranteed to contain 100 percent fruit juice.

3) Beware of juices labeled “juice cocktail”, “fruit drink” or “juice beverage” drinks may contain only as little as 10 percent juice.

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4) Pay close attention to the first ingredient listed on the label. Since ingredients on the label are listed in quantity, your best choice is usually a drink whose first ingredient is juice, not water.

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Although it might take some effort, it is possible to continue enjoying your sex life during and after cancer treatment. There’s this old joke about a man who breaks his fingers and, after he has them straightened and put in splints, asks ‘Doc, will I be able to play the violin?’ To which the doctor replies, ‘Yes, of course you will!’ The patient then says, ‘Wow that’s incredible, I never played before!’ The answer to ‘Will I have a great sex life after my cancer treatment?’ depends largely on how things were before. Major problems in a relationship are not suddenly going to resolve because there is a crisis. They may be put on the backburner for a while, priorities may be reassessed, but they aren’t just going to disappear. That’s where specialized counselling can help.

If a relationship is stable and supportive and there is good communication between partners, they stand a very good chance of things getting back to normal. And of course there are those who never cared much for the violin anyway.

Your sexual routine may need to change, at least for a while, and the key to this is communication. Initially, that means communicating with health advisers so that you know what disruptions to your sexuality there are likely to be, so that you can plan ways of dealing with them. All the while, it is important for partners to communicate with each other. Sometimes that communication has to be more detailed than ever before.

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That being said, there is a point when unsatisfied sex drive in both men and women can interfere with the day-to-day running of your life; where thoughts and activities are so acutely directed at satisfying that drive that they push all other priorities out of the way. We call that ‘hypersexuality’. If that is the case, and the individual perceives it as a problem, then a sex therapist can often help sort it out.

At the other end of the scale is lack of desire. This can mean that you just don’t spare any thought for sex — you really can’t be bothered. By comparison, it doesn’t seem to cause as much trouble for the individual unless they are in a relationship where their partner is dissatisfied. Lack of desire has many causes and it can be an occasional thing, a short term phenomenon related to work or family worries, tiredness, illness or maybe being angry with your partner about some day-to-day nonsexual issue like forgetting your birthday or pranging the new car. Fran has three young children. ‘I know that if I have something on my mind like no money in the bank to meet the mortgage payments that month and Ron won’t sit down and talk to me about it, I get really tense and then I find it really difficult to show any interest in sex at all. Once we work out the “living together” issues, I let down the emotional barriers and the sex seems to sort itself out too.’

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Pregnancy can turn a man on or off. Jim told me, ‘During our first pregnancy I just couldn’t cope with the idea of having intercourse. It wasn’t that I found Tanya unattractive, it was just that the first few times we tried it after we found out she was pregnant, I kept imagining this little person inside being bumped around like a punching bag, and I was afraid of hurting it. I felt like I was intruding.’ Tanya worried about Jim’s lack of interest. ‘It was impossible to convince him that he wasn’t actually hurting the baby. I think he knew but he couldn’t overcome it, so sex was virtually non-existent with the first pregnancy. I wouldn’t have minded so much except he stopped any sort of intimacy, so at times I felt quite neglected. Now I’m pregnant again and he hasn’t lost his sex drive at all this time but because we have a toddler who won’t sleep through the night, that’s getting in the way now.’

Although it is a really common concern for both men and women, in the vast majority of cases sex does absolutely no harm to the mother or the unborn baby. However, there will be some cases when a doctor might have to caution against intercourse during pregnancy for medical reasons. If this is the case it can be very difficult for both partners unless the reasons are explained in detail, and they have a chance to ask any questions they may have. It may help to explore other ways of making love without vaginal penetration. Again, adaptability is the buzz-word.

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In a relationship with an agreed basis of fidelity, finding out your partner has had or is having an affair is usually its biggest challenge. It strikes at the heart of your self-confidence and trust and it can shake the foundations of the strongest relationship. Very few people can cope easily with the thought of the person they love having sex with somebody else. Above all it makes you question your own sexual adequacy, leaving you to ask, ‘Why wasn’t I enough?’

It has been estimated that there is an infidelity at some stage in around seventy percent of marriages. That makes the affair a common social covenant but one which is largely denied, and for good reason. There is a very real risk that it will tear the marriage apart. You see it all the time. But the question must be put: is society hanging onto a fragile facade of fidelity? It is more constructive to acknowledge the situation and look at it in terms of primary and secondary relationships, rather than using the term ‘affair’ at all.

Concealing a secondary relationship can be seen as a survival tactic for the primary (or what you perceive to be the most important) relationship. It is not so much a case of deception but a realistic fear of loss — of the primary partner withdrawing their love or just walking out. That’s why Rule Number One has always been … ‘Don’t get caught.’ So Rule Number Two is ‘Don’t catch anything.’ The reality is that any extracurricular (or secondary) sexual contact will increase your risk of transmitting a sexually transmitted disease to your primary partner. Without meticulous attention to safer sex practices, the risk is multiplied. Even without the health implications for your primary partner, a sure-fire way to ‘get caught’ is to ‘catch something’ and pass it on.

The reasons people have affairs are wide-ranging. Sexual boredom may be one of those reasons and some people will see an affair as the solution to discover new sexual and relationship skills. An extension of this is when one partner is not interested in sex, the other has a stronger libido and they are unable to reach a compromise. The partner with the stronger libido might not want to forfeit the primary relationship but still needs the sex. Many people also feel emotionally deprived or unsatisfied in a single longterm relationship. Some marriages are undoubtedly eroded by a secondary relationship. The painful truth is that many marriages are surviving and growing because of a secondary relationship rather than in spite of it.

If you marry young and stay with that partner you may reach a time when the curiosity to find out what sex is like with someone else becomes an irresistible temptation. The catalyst for this is usually a specific attraction to another person, rather than a deliberate effort to ‘just do it with someone else’.

If one partner is bisexual they may live in a primary relationship with someone of the same or opposite sex but, because of the dual nature of their sexuality, they may have a series of casual encounters or another relationship to satisfy this duality.

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The tragedy of AIDS flung the discussion of sexually transmitted diseases out into the light and right onto the front pages of the world’s newspapers and magazines. People were talking about sexuality and sexual practices in an unprecedented way. Frank conversations about the relative safety of oral sex or anal intercourse were becoming quite socially acceptable. Gone were the days when ‘safe sex’ meant making sure you didn’t get sprung by your parents. The world wondered whether it was facing the prospect of another Black Plague and that was the catalyst to dispense with a whole swag of social taboos. Along with this social revolution came a new honesty and directness in our approach to sex education. ‘Don’t do it until you’re married’ became a pathetic platitude irrelevant to the growing population of realists. It became clear that if people of all ages were to be able to protect themselves from AIDS (or any other sexually transmissible disease for that matter) then they had to have specific, detailed and unambiguous information uncluttered by moral judgments. More than that, they needed to be shown how to turn that information into action in the heat of the moment.

There is nothing quite like finding out you have a sexually transmitted disease to force you to take a look at your sexual attitudes and behaviors. Firstly, to figure out how you got it but more importantly so that you can prevent it happening again.

Knowledge means protection. I was lecturing recently to a group of health education students about the importance of educators being comfortable with their own sexuality and well informed about all aspects of sexual health so that they could cope with the questions and situations that were likely to arise in their classrooms. As an example, I asked them if they knew whether you could catch gonorrhea from oral sex. They were genuinely surprised that most of them didn’t know the answer. Now, some important points arose out of this exchange; one was that no matter how much you think you know about sex, there is always more to learn. More importantly, unless people have detailed information about the potential risks of the variety of sexual activities they might encounter, then they cannot hope to protect themselves. By the way, in case you were wondering, you can get a gonorrhea infection in the throat from oral sex with an infected person.

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